At present the crop looks likely to be around 20 tomatoes weighing in at about 1Kg in total.
The current price of tomatoes at Carrefour is 1.79€/Kg which suggests that my efforts have yielded 1.79€, however about two thirds of my crop are the small ‘cherry’ variety which cost 3.00€/Kg so building that into the calculation the yield is more like 2.60€. We also need to realise that my tomatoes are all grown organically with loving care and due regard to the environment etc. and Bio. tomatoes (not that I usually buy them) from Carrefour range from 1.9x to 2.9x the price of ‘conventional’ ones, if we assume an average premium of say 2.4x my prime tomato harvest is now worth 6.24€.
Now I have the feeling that you might feel 6.24€ is a poor return on an investment of 30€, but let’s not be hasty and jump to conclusions based on a narrow materialist valuation, we surely need to take a more holistic approach that recognises the wider benefits to society.
Remember first of all that this enterprise required quite a lot of my time in planting, watering, feeding and daily pep talks for my little plants, time that I might otherwise have spent consuming depressing and alarming world news on my computer. Quite obviously this time spent in the fresh air and sunshine was a benefit to my mental and physical health that will translate into greater life expectancy and reduced costs for the health services.
Yes, of course you say, but how can we account for this boon to health and happiness? Well it is actually not that difficult. Value of Life estimates for developed countries range from about $4M to $10M so let’s assume a modest $6M and a life span of 80yrs which gives us $205/day. It seems eminently reasonable that all this healthy activity will extend my lifespan by half a day at least so we should add $102.50 (90.70€) to the proceeds of the enterprise. I already feel so much fitter that I think it very clear that there will be savings on visits to the doctor and medications so we can add another very modest €100 to the total.
Thus we can see that the real return on the 30€ investment is in the region of 196.94€, a handsome return on investment of over 650% in just a few months!
Encouraged by the success of my tomato project I have been looking around for opportunities to expand the scheme and I have noticed that since lockdown the men from the Mairie have been less attentive to weeding the village streets which now bear a weed crop worthy of harvest. My plan therefore, which I am sure you will agree is unique, is to raise beef cattle by grazing this bounty of the pavements.
Of course yields will be low, but that is one of the main advantages of the project. Are we not daily exhorted to eat less red meat for the good of our health? Once all cattle rearing has been converted to urban grazing that problem will be solved, as there will be very little red meat available. Consider too the environmental benefits. Are we not told what vast volumes of greenhouse gasses are emitted by cattle? Clearly urban cattle will have to be much smaller (especially to navigate the narrow streets of our village) so of course they will emit much less gas!
Unfortunately however I am forced to put the urban beef rearing project in the back lot for the moment as the UK government needs my urgent assistance with their High Speed Train project (HS2). Current cost estimates for the project are at £90Bn and resistance from the penny-pinching British taxpayers is running high, if history is any guide even this estimate will eventually prove to be a fraction of the final cost, therefore opportunities for cost savings are slim and Boris needs my help to add value to the project.
This should not be that difficult, if all window seats are allocated to tomato plants I’m pretty sure that the carriages will work well as mobile greenhouses, allowing the whole project to be rebranded as HSG, pretty catchy eh? PC and Green, sure to be a big vote winner. If they liked Brexit they'll love this! I’m also confident that the HS2 team have not even considered exploitation of the track margins which could be usefully used to graze sheep, it may be necessary to slow the trains down a little bit but then who even needs (or wants) to get to Birmingham that quickly anyway?
So, once again we see what startling results can be achieved with a little lateral thinking and a lot of red wine.
By the way if any of you want to jump in as early investors in my 'Boeuf du Village' enterprise just send money, no need to include your name and address, I guarantee there will be no returns.
